so today i made the extra effort to eat healthy.. almost.. lol the day started out well... on packet of instant oatmeal, then as a snack some crab meat.. then for lunch a turkey burger with american and a tablespoon of guaco on top.. and maybe 8-10 fries... and water.... oh 2 cups of coffee with creamer... and then when i get home.. too damn tired to do anything.. so i eat 2 pizza slices and half a glass of soda..... sighs... mad with myself...

on a side note.. got the training program from erica at doc G's so March 18th the real training begins for the 5th third 5 k which is May 11th.... im excited to get back to this.. i have missed it.

5 yr check up is in 2 weeks and sometimes feel the harder i try.. the worse i get at it... erf

so thats it for today!

so today i woke up and decided that if I really wanted to lose that last 30-50 pounds.. then i cant just want it.. i have to do something about it... soo... up i got... hopped outta bed... made a 3 egg white scramble with onions and shrooms, packed quiona and baked skinless boneless baked chicken for lunch, then a small container of imitation crab and two cheese sticks and water of course. Also packed my vitamins... i am determined to get back on track and be where i should be... can not wait for daylight savings time so i can walk when i get home from work.... it is too dark... and im a big chicken as i am afraid of the dark.... so anyway... today.. is a new day of me getting back on track..... no more soda as of today... VERY minimal alcohol.... I have a wedding to go to and do not want to look bad for my daughter. :) so here we go

and the 5th third is in just a few shorts months

here is to getting back on track!!!!

So, it has been a long time since i have been here and alot has happened. Mainly.. I survived a stroked on August 22, 2012.  I felt ick  most of the week prior.. and that morning drove to work and thank goodness for coworkers who are good friends.... took me to the ER where they invited me to stay for 3 whole days.... something like that definitely puts things in perspective as far as life goes...

i think it put things in perspective for the relationship I shared with my daughter... we were on our way to a nice friendship..... but this put that into hyper drive... and i like where it is going.. :)

so here i am... 5 months and 27 days post stroke... not words anyone wants to say... but there.. it is said....

i still struggle with my weight.... and ammm sooooooo looking forward to this weekend where I can start the re-training again... I want to get back into running... i will never be a first place finisher... unless you all decide not to run.. but that is ok...

so tonight as i sit here... i am watching tlc and felt compelled to post the following on my facebook page...

"so I dont talk much about my weight loss surgery anymore... simply because it is just part of who i am.. but sitting here tonight.. watching a tlc documentary about 4 people who lived 600# lives, reminds me of what I narrowly escaped.. my heaviest weight was 420+ ..or more... i stopped weighing myself.(yes i know shocker for my friends from high school) the things that these people are sharing... was me... still is me mentally most days...... i will celebrate my 5 year surgiversary on March 4th.... and i am not where i want to be.. and terrified i will ever go back there.... and even if i reach the goal of losing another 50#'s.. i wonder if i will ever mentally be there.... so just remember.. when peeps are smiling on the outside.... doesn't mean everything is ok on the inside... THOSE are the silent battles we do not share...... anyway... that's my soapbox for the night.... and honestly.. no clue why i was prompted to share this here.... but I trust my instincts.. so there it is. :) and maybe it will help someone who is struggling with their inner demons too!"

Not sure why I was prompted to do it.. but I did.....  hoping that for my daughters wedding i can be down another 20# but 10 would be more realistic... and this running/walking thing will get me there...

so wake up blog... cuz im back.... and you will tell many stories for me .. :)