Wow 2017

Wow that last post was over 3 years ago.. so much has changed.. and so much has not.... happy to have found my blog though.... I look back on all that I wrote about and how things have changed....

I know that things are moving in the right direction..

I am now teaching as my form of full time employment. I work for 3 different institutions right now and hope to be full time somewhere soon.

I have not run in a long time but want to get back into it and lose about 20 pounds.. that would be nice. ;)

I will write more soon.... so much to say.. but time to teach!!

It has been a while.... and alot has happened

So blog of mine.. it has been forever since I have written in you... so much has happened... a stroke.. a separation.. a 5k.. a 10k trail run that I did not research... boy let me tell you about that.. but another time.

so much has happened I sometimes wonder who I am these days.. I am not the same person I was on august 21, 2012 that is for sure... August 22, 2012 changed my whole life...... I had a stroke.. yup me... a stroke.... 3 days in icu.... nearly 4 weeks off work... not allowed to teach... if it felt good, smelt good, tasted good, looked good.. I could not do it.... was there an X factor... no... there was not... so.. I could stroke out in the next half second.. because I don't have something to say.. dont do this and you will be fine....

I had a left mid brain small stroke that left mini residual issues that in reality , if you did not know me before, you would not know it now.... but I know  it.. boy do I know it... doing photography tonight.. the right side weakness surely made itself known.... my hand is crampy and sore for sure.... but I digress... I had a stroke 17 months ago and it changed my life forever!!!

I now am doing things I have always wanted to do... I have pr'd a 5k with a personal best of 38.... way under my prestroke time of 48+, way under my May2013 5k of 44+....

I went to a movie by myself for the first time... Lone Survivor.. could not have chosen a better movie for my first time ever alone.

I am learning to let go and live... to not give any power over me to people... to just take charge of my life... single or in a relationship..  I will be in charge

I do not have a relationship to speak of....but fill the solitude with my dissertation and things that make me smile.... or warms my hearts.. especially photography... :)

I have a tenk in May... my first half in June and a full marathon in the fall.... if I can handle the half.. :)

I have lots more to say about my next 40 years and will blog more often now.. it is a good outlet...

but this is good for now.....

so today i made the extra effort to eat healthy.. almost.. lol the day started out well... on packet of instant oatmeal, then as a snack some crab meat.. then for lunch a turkey burger with american and a tablespoon of guaco on top.. and maybe 8-10 fries... and water.... oh 2 cups of coffee with creamer... and then when i get home.. too damn tired to do anything.. so i eat 2 pizza slices and half a glass of soda..... sighs... mad with myself...

on a side note.. got the training program from erica at doc G's so March 18th the real training begins for the 5th third 5 k which is May 11th.... im excited to get back to this.. i have missed it.

5 yr check up is in 2 weeks and sometimes feel the harder i try.. the worse i get at it... erf

so thats it for today!

so today i woke up and decided that if I really wanted to lose that last 30-50 pounds.. then i cant just want it.. i have to do something about it... soo... up i got... hopped outta bed... made a 3 egg white scramble with onions and shrooms, packed quiona and baked skinless boneless baked chicken for lunch, then a small container of imitation crab and two cheese sticks and water of course. Also packed my vitamins... i am determined to get back on track and be where i should be... can not wait for daylight savings time so i can walk when i get home from work.... it is too dark... and im a big chicken as i am afraid of the dark.... so anyway... today.. is a new day of me getting back on track..... no more soda as of today... VERY minimal alcohol.... I have a wedding to go to and do not want to look bad for my daughter. :) so here we go

and the 5th third is in just a few shorts months

here is to getting back on track!!!!

So, it has been a long time since i have been here and alot has happened. Mainly.. I survived a stroked on August 22, 2012.  I felt ick  most of the week prior.. and that morning drove to work and thank goodness for coworkers who are good friends.... took me to the ER where they invited me to stay for 3 whole days.... something like that definitely puts things in perspective as far as life goes...

i think it put things in perspective for the relationship I shared with my daughter... we were on our way to a nice friendship..... but this put that into hyper drive... and i like where it is going.. :)

so here i am... 5 months and 27 days post stroke... not words anyone wants to say... but there.. it is said....

i still struggle with my weight.... and ammm sooooooo looking forward to this weekend where I can start the re-training again... I want to get back into running... i will never be a first place finisher... unless you all decide not to run.. but that is ok...

so tonight as i sit here... i am watching tlc and felt compelled to post the following on my facebook page...

"so I dont talk much about my weight loss surgery anymore... simply because it is just part of who i am.. but sitting here tonight.. watching a tlc documentary about 4 people who lived 600# lives, reminds me of what I narrowly escaped.. my heaviest weight was 420+ ..or more... i stopped weighing myself.(yes i know shocker for my friends from high school) the things that these people are sharing... was me... still is me mentally most days...... i will celebrate my 5 year surgiversary on March 4th.... and i am not where i want to be.. and terrified i will ever go back there.... and even if i reach the goal of losing another 50#'s.. i wonder if i will ever mentally be there.... so just remember.. when peeps are smiling on the outside.... doesn't mean everything is ok on the inside... THOSE are the silent battles we do not share...... anyway... that's my soapbox for the night.... and honestly.. no clue why i was prompted to share this here.... but I trust my instincts.. so there it is. :) and maybe it will help someone who is struggling with their inner demons too!"

Not sure why I was prompted to do it.. but I did.....  hoping that for my daughters wedding i can be down another 20# but 10 would be more realistic... and this running/walking thing will get me there...

so wake up blog... cuz im back.... and you will tell many stories for me .. :)

itchy legs... wth???

ok so I wake up bright and early this morning.. in a stuffy room with damn birds chirping and then i realize... yup the fan is off!! dammit!! I can .... not.... sleep... in the summer time without the fan on... just cant.. and i dont care how many covers i am sleepin under or what kind of pj's i am wearing.. i want the damn fan on...... sooo.. awake.. irritated.. hot... and STILL tired.... i do the kind thing and get out of bed.... and decide to go burn off some irritation.....

so the whole time i am walking... i am trying to burn off negative thoughts.. it sucks when you wake up pissed off........could be why I had a great calorie burn today... maybe i should get angry the day of the race.... what do ya think?? lol

sooo.. walk walk walk.. thinking oh ill just cut this short... then thinking.. nope i need to walk so more.. so walk walk walk... turn the corner.....and realize hardly anyone is awake on a sunday morning.. go figure.. only the people walking and running... interesting....

anyway... at least i have a contructive outlet in which to vent....

btw... did you know that one of my legs is shorter than the other... the one that has the most hip pain is shorter.... and is a big reason why i have pain especially when I am walk/running. streets are sloped so if i am running on the right side my right leg has to fall further than my left and that creates more intense jarring... sooo.. i have to sidewalk it.. or run in the middle where it is flattest..... thanks Doc M

Anyway.. off for a shower... then a somewhat relaxing afternoon and then U2Concert....

numbers are below:
1.89 miles
35min 39 sec
18.54 min/mile
297 calorie

oh sweet running.. how i have missed you.... NOT!!

ok so i have been procrastinating and procrastinating... ok 6 weeks of procrastinating on getting back out there..... I could not walk for 2 days after my race and i really thought that i was gonna die..... whodathunkit.... i did not die!!! hahahhaa

so for days i been saying... cmon kandy.. get out there.. just walk a lil bit... just ride the bike... just do SOMETHING!!!! so finally.... today.... sitting here after work i said.. today is the day..... i would constantly see every night...peeps walking.. running blading... riding.. by my livingroom..... but here i am.. no homework.. no excuses as to why i should not get off my lazy butt... cuz really.. thats all it was.. lazy butt.....

so i got home.. sat down....... then said.. im gonna do it.... so i got up got changed... and off i went... with dog and mark in tow.... hahhaaha

i am shocked my time... it is still on pace... so below are the numbers

1.6 miles
28 min 55 seconds
18.03 per mile
185 cal

I also entered myself into a lottery to run the Labor Day Run with the Governor across the Mackinac Bridge... and guess what??? I was selected... however you have to be able to run a 12 min mile... soooooo and that is alot more than 3.2 miles... i am contemplating it....

but I feel good... i found out from the chiro today that my hips are crooked so he snapped em back in... gonna do some chiro therapy to stablize them and hopefully that helps with all the pain.. anyway.. back on track.. :)